For many people, grief during the winter season can feel especially charged. The days are shorter, the weather is colder, and the winter holiday season often feels like a bag of mixed emotions. If you’re experiencing grief this time of year, you’re not alone, although it can feel heavy and difficult right now.
Addressing grief entails acknowledging the complex relationship between internal emotions and external circumstances. Of course, there’s no predetermined “right” way to grieve, but it’s important to hold onto gentleness and compassion as you move through this process.
Why Does Grief Feel Worse During the Winter?
Grief can feel intensified during the winter for many reasons. Practically speaking, reduced sunlight during the winter months can affect your hormone levels, disrupting Vitamin D regulation, serotonin, and melatonin. If you have seasonal affective disorder, these changes may contribute to depression when the seasons change. But even if you don’t have depression, it’s still normal to notice some mood fluctuations this time of year.
The concept of winter can also feel incredibly juxtaposing. For example, you may be on the heels of family events or holiday festivities, but also feeling lonely or dysregulated. You might be trying to embrace a sense of solitude while being inundated with messages about holiday festivities, family connectivity, consumerism, and ‘new-year-new-you’ vision boards. There are many expectations about what this time of year “should” feel like, but grief doesn’t necessarily adhere to those guidelines.
Some people find that the actual winter weather mirrors emotions reminiscent of grief. For example, cold and darkness may symbolize what’s happening inside you. This may be particularly heightened if you’re experiencing ambiguous or complicated grief.
How to Cope While Grieving During the Winter
The grief process can feel extra vulnerable during winter. It may seem like everyone is living their own lives while you’re trying to grasp your own thoughts and feelings. It’s important to remember that “what you need” will change over time, and it’s also okay if you don’t exactly know the right thing to do right now.
That said, here are some ways you can sit and honor your grief intentionally:
Embrace the Emotions for What They Are
No matter how intense they may feel, all your emotions are valid right now. The energy of grief speaks directly to the energy of love- with that, it makes sense to experience any combination of sadness, fear, loneliness, and anger.
Leaning into your emotions allows you to cultivate a deeper sense of self-compassion. Instead of dismissing, numbing, or intellectualizing how you feel, there’s something to be said about just being quiet with yourself.
Of course, embracing emotions isn’t about liking every part of your feelings. Instead, it’s about assuming a non-judgmental stance. Instead of criticizing yourself over why you may feel a certain way, try anchoring yourself to kind affirmations like:
- My body is responding to grief in all the right ways.
- I trust that my feelings are exactly what they need to be right now.
- This feeling makes perfect sense right now.
- I am allowed to feel ___.
Turn to Your Warm Creature Comforts
The cold winter often highlights feelings of sorrow and despair. Bad weather may also come with logistical concerns, including needing to stay indoors more often than you’d prefer.
Seeking direct sources of warmth may cultivate a much-needed sense of comfort. Take long baths, cook hot meals, lie under a heated blanket, and wear cozy pajamas. These acts of self-love may soothe some of the deep, dark feelings within you. They can also directly calm down your central nervous system, supporting better emotional well-being.
Focus on Cultivating a Winter-Centered Skill
Although distraction often gets a bad rep, it can be an important coping skill, especially during the grief process. The right distraction can absolutely be a form of deliberate self-care. If the winter blues are weighing you down, consider strengthening a skill directly related to this time of year.
For example, you might want to try snowboarding or skiing. Or maybe you can pick up baking holiday desserts or knitting by the fire. The point isn’t about developing mastery or even guaranteeing joy- instead, it’s about connecting to new possibilities and opening emotional space for having meaningful experiences.
Stay Connected to Grief Support
Because grief can make you feel so lost and disoriented, it’s so important to connect with others who can hold space for your feelings. The right people are supportive and non-judgmental; ideally, they exude a sense of compassion and don’t just resort to giving you generic advice about what to do.
It can feel like you’re starting a new life (against your desires) amid your grief, but support helps you stay anchored. Laughter with family and friends matters, and if you don’t feel like you have good people in your corner, consider turning online for virtual support or joining a bereavement group. There are many people out there going through similar struggles- even finding one person can make a profound difference in feeling connected.
Give Yourself Permission to Rest
Sometimes the best way to honor grief is to just honor your body’s inherent need for rest. This can be hard to integrate if you resonate with overthinking or overachieving tendencies, but it’s so important to remember.
It’s okay if you need a few days or weeks to emotionally reset. Winter can be an important reminder that many animals hibernate and “rest up” to prepare for the upcoming spring. You’re allowed to miss events or take some time for yourself if that’s what this season calls for.
Grief and Trauma Therapy in Seattle, WA
Your emotional pain is real and deserves witnessing and recognition. While ‘healing’ isn’t a straightforward path, talking about your feelings and processing the experiences of your grief can help you find a sense of hope and light during this time.
As a grief and trauma therapist, I am here to support you in your journey toward rediscovering yourself and coping with life’s most painful adversities. I offer a variety of therapeutic modalities, including EMDR, somatic therapy, and internal family systems work to support each client’s unique needs for treatment. I also have a specialized focus in serving the LGBTQ+ community.
Please contact me today to schedule an initial consultation.
