Everyone experiences a dysregulated nervous system from time to time. Life can be incredibly stressful, and when things feel hard, we sometimes respond in ways that later make us cringe or feel remorseful. You are not “broken” if you experience this- it’s genuinely what it means to be human!
On the other hand, if you feel like you “lose control” over your emotions- or if you’re in a perpetual state of chronic stress- it may be worth focusing more on your nervous system health. A regulated nervous system allows you to stay or even expand your standard window of tolerance, which refers to your optimal zone of internal safety.
When you’re out of this window, you may feel restless, angry, anxious, or dissociated. Some people experience a strong sense of “feeling out of control” when they’re out of their windows. The good news is that there are many ways to take care of yourself when the nervous system gets activated. Let’s get into what you need to know.
What Happens When the Nervous System Gets Activated?
To put it simply, think of the nervous system as an internal security system. When your body picks up on a perceived threat, it sends messages to your brain to process this threat and act accordingly. The autonomic nervous system contains two interconnected parts: the sympathetic nervous system and the parasympathetic nervous system.
The sympathetic nervous system prepares your body to respond to a threat. It releases stress hormones like cortisol and epinephrine. These hormones are responsible for various types of physical symptoms including increased heart rate, dilated pupils, sweating, and increased breathing rate. This is known as the fight-or-flight response, an involuntary reaction to feeling threatened.
The parasympathetic nervous system, in contrast, calms the body down. In this state, the heart rate slows, your eyes return to their standard size, muscles relax, and you slow down.
Both systems are necessary for healthy functioning. Ideally, the sympathetic and parasympathetic systems work harmoniously to maintain your body’s equilibrium. However, if you’re in a constant state of stress, the body may disproportionately remain in fight-or-flight mode.
Signs of a Dysregulated Nervous System
Nervous system regulation refers to your capacity for moving flexibly through various states of arousal. This doesn’t mean you never get overwhelmed or frustrated. It simply means you can pivot back to safety and relaxation after managing the threat.
Chronic nervous system dysregulation, on the other hand, can affect both your mental and physical health. Over time, perpetual dysregulation often reduces someone’s overall quality of life. You may feel like you “can’t handle” stress well, or you might also feel like you’re constantly at the mercy of certain triggers.
Physical symptoms may include:
- increased sense of chronic pain or inflammation
- increased blood pressure
- poor sleep quality
- difficulty concentrating
- weakened immune function
- reduced cognitive function
- pervasive sense of fatigue
Emotional symptoms indicating a dysregulated nervous system may include:
- heightened symptoms of anxiety or depression
- increase in trauma flashbacks
- inability to experience deep relaxation (even when you’re intentionally trying to relax)
- relationship problems (difficulty trusting others, intimacy problems, difficulty with boundaries)
- chronic irritability
- need to “control” some or most parts of life
- ongoing desire to numb certain intense emotions
- chronic themes of perfectionism or needing to overachieve to feel validated
How Regulated Does the Nervous System Need to Be?
Some people have a misconception that they should always be able to regulate themselves in every situation. Although it’s a nice goal that sounds great in theory, it’s just not realistic. In fact, having that kind of pressure on yourself may actually reinforce themes of perfectionism or toxic shame.
The truth is nobody can be calm and logical at all times. We’re all humans living very human lives- we’re all trying to manage various health issues, fears, relationship problems, and complex life transitions.
The goal (even in therapy) isn’t to eradicate all triggers. Instead, the goal is to restore your body’s ability to manage stress and flexibly move through states of arousal. As you become more regulated, you’ll likely note a reduction in the intensity or frequency of distressing symptoms.
How to Regulate Your Nervous System
No matter your circumstances, it is possible to take good care of your nervous system. The first step is recognizing dysregulation when it arises. Some people first notice it in the body- for instance, you might feel a sense of heat, shakiness, or tightness. Others may become aware of intense emotions- you might recognize a sense of doom coming over or a feeling of panic clouding your judgment.
Once you notice that you might be entering a state of dysregulation, you can consider some of the following action-based steps to calm your system down:
Immediate Regulation Skills
Slow, deliberate breathing Deep breathing exercises can instantly calm down the central nervous system. Deep breathing activates the vagus nerve, a main component within the parasympathetic nervous system. Focus on taking long deep inhales and long deep exhales for a few moments at a time.
Physiological sigh: The physiological sigh is a specific breathing exercise where you take a “double inhale” and then one long exhale. This can reduce stress because it also activates the vagus nerve and increases oxygen efficiency.
Add weight: Some people find that physically adding weight to their bodies offers a calming effect. Weighted blankets, lifting weights, or holding onto tight to a loved one may offer this sense of relief.
Add heat or cold: Changing the temperature can also reduce stress. To add heat, take a hot shower or relax in a sauna for a few moments. To cool down, consider rubbing ice cubes on your arms or legs, take a cold shower, or simply splash water on your face. This can also better connect you to your peripheral nervous system, the part of your body associated with sensory input.
Shake off your tension: Mammals in the wild shake themselves after encountering a threat. Since the body holds onto trauma, physically releasing it may help break up some of the tension you feel.
Do nothing: Sometimes the best thing you can do for your nervous system is nothing at all. Of course, this recommendation can be hard for chronically busy people. If you always have a million tasks on your to-do list, slowing down and taking a break may feel threatening. But sometimes giving yourself space is the best way to take care of yourself.
Long-Term Regulation Skills
Address trauma: Complex trauma, particularly childhood trauma, can have a profound impact on the nervous system. Trauma-focused therapy, such as EMDR, can help you recover from trauma and experience a greater sense of internal empowerment. This, in turn, can support a healthy nervous system.
Ask which part of you needs comfort: Sometimes, when you feel overwhelmed, it can feel like your entire sense of self is flooded. But, as we can see in parts work, it’s likely that just a part of you is overwhelmed, scared, or frustrated. To find out what’s going on, consider asking yourself, “What part of me feels most activated right now?” or “Where does this feeling of anxiety live in my body right now?” or “How old is this part that feels overwhelmed? Is it younger than my current age?” Externalizing intense feelings into parts of you can help support a sense of regulation.
Embrace connection: Connection is also part of the reparative process of regulating your nervous system. We are not meant to manage life alone. Aim to stay connected to people and other parts of life that feel meaningful to you. This may mean embracing spirituality, getting more involved with local advocacy, or simply spending time with friends and family who make you feel good about yourself.
Practice self-compassion: The kinder you are to yourself, the more you nurture your nervous system’s health. The mind and body are so intimately connected- if you’re constantly internalizing negative messages, you’re adding more stress to your psyche. This reinforces themes of dysregulation. So, remind yourself that you’re only human, be gentle whenever possible, and try to offer yourself grace and love.
Practice repairing: If you feel remorseful for the way you acted during a stressful situation, remember that it’s never too late to apologize. Making amends can support your emotional health- it also reinforces the idea that it’s okay to make mistakes and hold yourself accountable for them.
Therapy for Nervous System Dysregulation and Complex Trauma in Washingon State
As a trauma-focused therapist, helping clients understand and self-regulate their nervous systems is a key part of strengthening their mental health and building internal safety. While we may not be able to change the stress in your life, we can change your strategies and mindset around managing stress. We can also improve the relationship you have with yourself and others.
In my practice, I pull from EMDR, somatic therapy, and parts work to support your emotional well-being. Healing can start today- if you think we might be a good fit for one another, I offer virtual services for adults residing throughout Washington. I would be honored to help you on your journey- please contact me to get started!
