The holiday season can amplify complex emotions in unexpected ways. Even for those who have been navigating loss for some time, grief triggers during the holidays can surface suddenly. You may be hesitant to engage in certain traditions or angry about having to navigate specific days without a loved one who has died.
All of these reactions are normal. They’re a reminder of what you’ve lost and how much certain people or moments mattered to you.
Recognizing grief triggers can help you approach the season with more compassion and patience for yourself. You don’t have to push away your feelings just because it’s the holidays. You can also prioritize taking care of yourself to mitigate prolonged suffering.
Notice and Name Your Feelings (And Let Go of Trying to Find Meaning in Them)
When grief triggers during the holidays show up, it can help to pause and check in with yourself. What emotion are you feeling right now? What thoughts are coming up? What part of you is hurting?
You might notice inner conflicts right here. For example, one part of you may feel extreme sadness clustered around an upcoming grief anniversary. Another part might want to avoid spending time with a particular family member because it seems too overwhelming. Another part may be craving drugs, food, or alcohol because you want to draw comfort and dull the pain.
These inner conflicts all speak to natural responses to loss. Naming these feelings or your urges can give more space to your grief experience. Rather than fighting how you feel, simply acknowledging emotions often reduces their intensity, allowing you to respond with more curiosity than judgment.
It’s common to want to analyze or make sense of your grief. Of course, you want to find meaning in your feelings. And while reflection can be helpful, the urge to intellectualize or overthink can create pressure and take you away from actually experiencing your emotions. In many cases, genuine healing means simply noticing what’s happening inside you without explaining it or fixing it.
Plan Ahead for the Expected Triggers or Painful Memories
As you have moved through your days, you have probably already identified certain kinds of grief triggers during the holidays and how they affect you. Planning for them doesn’t eliminate the grief, but it can make a difficult time feel slightly more manageable.
For example, if you sense that a certain family gathering is likely to feel overwhelming, you might decide in advance how long you’ll stay or which activities you’ll participate in. You could also line up quiet moments for yourself- this is where you can prioritize gentle tasks like short walks, journaling, deep breaths, or texting a supportive friend.
Set Boundaries That Feel Safe (And Empowering)
The winter season often comes with immense pressure around social expectations and family dynamics. You may feel guilty about having a hard time. You might be navigating pressure to “act normal” or to handle your grief in a certain way, even if the loss is recent or particularly painful.
Subsequently, you may be vulnerable to overextending yourself this time of year. You might agree to obligations that don’t feel manageable or attend events that leave you exhausted.
Setting boundaries is a way to protect your emotional and physical well-being. It’s about giving yourself freedom to participate on your terms, rather than from a place of resentment or obligation. This, in turn, can help you feel more present and capable of actually engaging with the season in a way that feels sustainable.
Boundaries can take many forms, including:
- Time limits: Attend only part of a gathering or plan deliberate breaks between events.
- Location choices: The setting matters, and certain environments can feel triggering. Have a plan to step outside for fresh air or find a quiet space if you feel activated.
- Activity choices: Skip certain rituals that feel too painful or inauthentic and focus on ones that bring comfort or meaning.
- Communication with others: Let friends or family know your needs. This can prevent misunderstandings and foster meaningful support.
Reframe What the Holiday Season Means to You
Expectations can worsen the grief process, especially when you compare what’s currently happening to what you think should be happening. Instead of focusing on ideals, consider what the season could realistically hold for you this year.
Most people find that they need to redefine certain traditions or honor new rituals. Your comfort is a priority, and you’re allowed to make that a focal point when life feels tender.
You can also allow yourself to mix old and new traditions. Maybe you keep one familiar activity but pair it with something that feels safer this time of year. This is the essence of holding multiple emotions and experiences at once. It’s common to feel a mixture of nostalgia, sadness, longing, and some joy all in one day. By reframing expectations, you give yourself more space to experience the season without judgment or pressure.
With that, consider intentionally communicating your intentions to others. Let people know if certain activities seem too overwhelming or if you would prefer quieter ways to connect. This allows your support system to meet you where you are.
Take Each Moment as It Comes
Grief triggers during the holidays are not always predictable or neat. Life just doesn’t work that way. There is also no right or wrong way to “be” in your grieving process.
Although it’s tenuous, it’s also completely normal to question yourself or your needs during this time. Some days will inherently feel harder than others. Giving yourself ample patience and self-compassion to experience each moment as it comes can help you navigate the season more gently.
Remind yourself that it’s okay if emotions shift rapidly. Stay connected to your body. Breath by breath. Let yourself have space and permission to rest and regroup when you need. It’s okay to cry, and it’s okay to invite in some of the rage, anxiety, regret, or uncertainty.
By focusing on one emotion at a time, you reduce pressure to just “get through” certain times or deal with a particular person.
Focus on “Good Enough” Amid the Grieving Process
The holidays rarely go perfectly. Family members can be difficult. You may feel yourself regressing into younger, child-like parts.
In the context of grief, perfection is neither realistic nor necessary. Instead, try to focus on embracing the “good enough” mindset. This might mean attending one meaningful event instead of several, and it might mean enjoying one small meal instead of a grand party.
Allow yourself to accept that good enough has weight when your heart is heavy. Compassion for yourself will always carry you further than keeping up with appearances or meeting outward expectations.
Therapy for Grief and Depression in Seattle, WA
For a time that’s often filled with heightened emotions, navigating grief triggers during the holidays has its own complexity. Grief and depression often feel heavier during winter, and it can be invaluable to seek support as you move through this time.
I specialize in helping adults navigate grief, depression, anxiety, and other emotional challenges. My approach emphasizes authenticity and self-compassion. Together, we can co-create ways to engage with the holidays and daily life in a way that feels more manageable.
Please contact me today to schedule an initial consultation.
