Therapy for intellectualizers and overthinkers isn’t just about cultivating insight. Chances are, you already have insight- you may have so much insight that it feels debilitating! With that, maybe you feel like you’ve been smarter than previous therapists, or you’ve struggled to actually apply the awareness you have into yourself to making the changes you value.
Many clients hesitate to believe therapy can really help them if they already understand their mental health concerns. Some feel that they have not gotten as much out of treatment as they would have hoped. That’s because therapy for intellectualizers and overthinkers sometimes does pose some challenges, and it’s important to be mindful of them.
The good news is, even if you identify as being intelligent or aware of your patterns, you can still benefit from therapy. The key is learning how to be with your emotions, drop into your body, and engage in a more authentic embodiment in daily life. The key is also finding a therapist who values these principles and doesn’t just get wrapped up in the content of your story! Let’s get into how this all works and what you can expect.
Understanding the Role of Intellectualizing in Therapy
Intellectualization is sometimes understood as a defense mechanism where people think or speak about a problem without actually experiencing the emotions coinciding with it. However, it’s important to remember that defense mechanisms are adaptive and rooted in survival. We cope in ways that feel safe to us, and we also cope in ways intended to avoid future discomfort or distress.
Many clients engage in intellectualizing from time to time. This can look like leaning into facts and logic instead of connecting to your body or emotions. If you were never taught to understand your emotions, it makes perfect sense why identifying with them can feel so foreign!
With that, intellectualizing can also be reinforced. It may feel good to be validated with praise like, ‘You’re so insightful!’ or, ‘You’re so smart.” Unfortunately, this praise can also be frustrating. You may know that you’re insightful and smart, but you’re looking to be challenged in new ways.
What Causes Overthinking or Intellectualization?
Overthinking and intellectualization may be a product of both individual temperament and environmental factors. They can correspond with certain mental health conditions, including anxiety disorders, but they can also exist on their own.
Traumatic experiences: Some people with trauma overthink or intellectualize what happened to them as a way of making sense of it all. It can also act as a way to try to protect you from getting hurt again in the future.
Sense of control: Overthinking often does provide a sense of control in a world that can feel so chaotically out of control. Your efforts to analyze situations or predict what might happen next can help reduce the discomfort of feeling uncertain.
Themes of perfectionism: Many people who resonate with perfectionism/overachieving also resonate with overthinking and intellectualization. It’s also possible to be perfectionistic in your quest to obtain ideal self-awareness, and this sometimes looks like people wanting to fully understand why they do every single thing they do.
Anxiety: Anxiety heightens difficult feelings, and it can deeply affect your emotional well-being. Intellectualization sometimes serves as a way to neutralize anxiety.
Family patterns: If you grew up observing family members lean on intellectualization, this may seem like the most natural way for you to reconcile unpleasant feelings. Furthermore, if you were ever told that you are “too sensitive,” or something along those lines, you may intellectualize to avoid others judging your emotional experiences.
Is Intellectualizing Bad?
In many ways, intellectualization can be a beneficial coping mechanism. Certain situations absolutely call for objectivity and even neutrality, and tapping into this tendency can be such a strength.
For example, if you need to make a quick decision, you just may not have the emotional bandwidth to check in with your feelings about what’s going on- you need to make a quick choice and then process what happened afterward. This may be paramount in the workplace or with specific relationships.
However, intellectualizing can become problematic if you rarely or never allow yourself to embrace feeling your feelings. While it’s true that intellectualizing emotions provides an initial sense of security, the benefits are always temporary. Avoiding uncomfortable emotions doesn’t make them disappear. Instead, they tend to show up in so many other ways, including:
- dissociation
- compulsive behaviors where you feel like you “lose control”
- relationship problems and difficulty with vulnerability
- physical symptoms, including headaches, stomach pains, and chronic pain
- exacerbated mental health symptoms, including anxiety and depression
- problems with daily functioning
- feeling like you can’t ever face difficult emotions
What Happens When You Stop Intellectualizing?
With that, the idea of stopping intellectualizing often feels frightening. This also makes sense. When you’re used to trying to avoid or change uncomfortable feelings, it can feel overwhelming to think about actually integrating them into your life. All change takes time, but even small steps in a new direction can make a big difference in how you feel.
Most people find that when they stop intellectualizing, they:
- become more aware of the full constellation of emotions they experience
- gain insight into the ways they try to avoid uncomfortable feelings on a regular basis
- can distinguish how certain feelings may drive certain behaviors
- feel more connected to both their minds and bodies
How Do You Change Overthinking or Intellectualizing Patterns?
The paradox of changing overthinking and intellectualizing is that you don’t want to overthink or intellectualize this process! Instead, you want to make space for acknowledging that change is hard, especially when certain habits are deeply rooted and connected to your emotional well-being.
Here are some practical steps to get started:
Practice Self-Compassion for Your Overthinking and Intellectualizing Parts
As you gain a deeper understanding of your relationship with emotions, you may note yourself feeling critical or upset. You might also feel ashamed that you struggle to really sit with an uncomfortable emotion.
This is where practicing self-compassion is crucial. Self-compassion means trying to embrace inner kindness when you’re struggling. Remember that nobody has it all figured out and most people don’t receive much modeling of emotional identification or expression.
Self-compassion also entails recognizing that your overthinking and intellectualizing tendencies are rooted in self-defense. This can be a component of parts work, a type of therapy framework that focuses on how different parts influence thoughts, feelings, and patterns.
Engage in More Mindfulness
Mindfulness isn’t about reducing negative emotions. It’s about making room for them in a calm and even inviting way. It’s about simply noting what’s happening in the here and now without intense judgment.
Mindfulness helps you build a better relationship with your inner world. When you slow down, you allow yourself to naturally engage in the present moment. There’s less thinking and more feeling.
Of course, there’s no perfect way to “be mindful,” and you need to remember that it’s normal for your mind to still wander. The key here is allowing yourself to just try your best to “be” with whatever is happening- even if what’s happening is internal judgment.
Make Space for Ambiguity and Uncertainty
The desire to avoid emotions often comes from a desire to maintain a sense of control and power. And while problem-solving absolutely has its place, we can’t account for all the unknown variables in life.
Sometimes it’s important to make space for honoring that life unfolds unpredictably and unexpectedly. The more you try to control the outcomes, the more anxious or resentful you risk feeling. Subsequently, this can also require tremendous energy, and that can leave you with persistent fatigue.
Spend Time With Those Who Exude Emotional Intelligence
Emotional intelligence refers to interpreting, perceiving, and expressing emotions. People with higher levels of emotional intelligence tend to exhibit some of the following signs:
- a strong sense of self, including strengths and limitations
- ability to accept feedback and hold themselves accountable when making mistakes
- empathy toward others and their emotions
- capacity to regulate emotions and stress in challenging situations
- curiosity toward making changes
- general openness to learning about the diversity of human behavior
- a healthy outlook on conflict resolution
For better or worse, the people you surround yourself with influence your behavior. If you have trusted friends who act in ways that you admire, you may feel more inclined to take steps toward caring for yourself. The opposite is also true. If your friends cope with stress in unhealthy ways, you might assume you’re doomed to struggle.
Seek Somatic, Bottom-Up Therapies
Therapy for intellectualizers and overthinkers isn’t just about fostering more insight or cerebrally processing problems. If anything, it’s about moving away from cognition and dropping more deeply into your body. Bottom-up refers to focusing on bodily sensations instead of just cognitive insight. Somatic therapies integrate the mind-body connection helping you recognize how your feelings show up in your body and vice versa.
Unlike talk therapy, somatic work is rooted in the idea that we’re all emotional and that building a relationship with your body will help you better understand your own behavior and inner experiences.
Somatic therapy can integrate many components, including:
- intentional breathwork
- grounding exercises
- gentle and joyful movement
- body scans
Somatic Therapy in Seattle and Washington State
Despite how they may be presented, not all defense mechanisms are “bad” or “wrong.” Furthermore, there’s no such thing as a negative emotion, although some emotions can certainly be more complex to manage. In individual therapy, all parts are welcome and are embraced. We will explore each of their functions together.
In my practice, I provide therapy for intellectualizers and overthinkers. If this is you, my goal is to help you get in touch with your true emotions to better support your overall wellness. I specialize in depression, anxiety, trauma, and life transitions, and I also provide therapy for the LGBTQ+ community. If you find yourself coping with emotions in unhealthy ways, we’ll spend time focusing on what and how you can make meaningful change.
I provide online therapy for adults throughout Washington State, and I would be truly honored to help you harness your emotions and feel more fulfilled in life. Please contact me today to schedule your initial consultation.
