Sometimes it might feel like you “lose control” over your emotions even when you “logically” know things are okay. Other times, you may act aggressively or passively despite a desire to remain regulated with others. These reactions may be due to a narrow window of tolerance, which can cause difficulties with mood, emotions, and your internal sense of safety.
Dr. Dan Siegel first introduced the ‘window of tolerance’ concept to describe the optimal zone of arousal for daily functioning. The idea is that, when you’re within your window of tolerance, you feel relatively stable and emotionally regulated. The more you can remain in the zone, the better things feel.
However, when life moves you out of your window of tolerance, you might feel anxious, depressed, disconnected, or numb. Constantly feeling hypervigilant or stressed may be a sign of unresolved past or ongoing trauma. This may be a sign that your window of tolerance has been compromised.
How Do You Know When You’re Within the Window of Tolerance?
You can’t specifically measure if and when you’re in your optimal zone. But the more you learn about your window of tolerance, the more quickly you can notice dysregulation.
Signs that you’re safely within your window of tolerance include:
- being able to think calmly and rationally
- feeling connected to your body and its physical sensations
- being able to access good coping skills easily
- feeling safe to share your emotions or needs with others
- feeling relatively ‘in control’ during stressful situations
Generally, when you’re in this ideal zone, you “feel like yourself.” That doesn’t mean life is free from stress or challenging emotions. However, you feel appropriately equipped to manage and talk about what’s going on.
Understanding the Parasympathetic Nervous System and Sympathetic Nervous System
The parasympathetic nervous system and sympathetic nervous system are both parts of your autonomic nervous system, and they work together to regulate your body’s essential functions.
The sympathetic nervous system activates the ‘fight or flight’ system. They communicate threats to the rest of the body during stressful situations. It will act on your body’s physical sensations by slowing down digestion, increasing heart rate, enlarging your pupils, and relaxing your airway muscles to improve oxygen flow. All of these responses are intended to help you act and think quickly. This mechanism explains why people get that ‘adrenaline effect’ during times of extreme stress.
The parasympathetic nervous system has an opposing role. It relaxes the body to bring it to a restored sense of calm. Its responses include relaxing muscles, decreasing heart rate, increasing digestive enzymes, and signaling fatigue.
Both systems maintain optimal functioning. But balance is important. When the sympathetic nervous system is in overdrive, you can get trapped in a perpetual state of fight-or-flight. This is a key symptom of post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) and other mental health issues like depression, anxiety, and more.
How our experiences shape our window of tolerance.
How Does Trauma Affect Your Window of Tolerance?
Traumatic memories can affect how your nervous system perceives threats in everyday life. This is why people sometimes feel hypervigilant even in relatively calm situations. You’re anticipating danger and waiting for something bad to happen. If you’re frequently outside of your window of tolerance, you may be more prone to panic attacks, chronic pain, insomnia or sleep disturbances, gastrointestinal distress, and other physiological reactions. You might try to cope with the heightened emotions by suppressing or numbing them with alcohol, drugs, food, or sex. These solutions can provide some short-term relief, but they also naturally come with serious consequences.
Experiencing complex emotional trauma can affect your mental health and shrink your window of tolerance. This isn’t your fault. It’s your body trying to ensure your survival. However, over time, you can learn how to identify and manage intense emotions while staying regulated.
Understanding Hyperarousal
Hyperarousal symptoms occur when the body moves into fight-or-flight mode. At this point, your nervous system is activated and on high alert. Some common hyperarousal symptoms include:
- intense anxiety and panic attacks
- angry outbursts
- fear or a prolonged sense of dread
- muscle tightness
- rigid thinking or racing thoughts
In this state, it’s challenging to think rationally or manage emotions. You may feel “consumed” by what’s happening inside you, even if you can’t quite understand it. At a more heightened threshold, you might start dissociating as well.
Understanding Hypoarousal
Hypoarousal happens when the body enters a ‘shutdown’ or ‘collapse’ state. This reaction looks the opposite of hyperarousal. Common hypoarousal symptoms include:
- dissociation
- rigid or catatonic body
- feeling “blank” or experiencing emotional numbness
- depression
- freeze response (not able to move or think)
Someone in a prolonged state of hypoarousal may seem completely detached. They might withdraw from others, sleep too much, and have symptoms that mimic depression.
Understanding Dissociation and Mental Health
Dissociation occurs when you feel detached from yourself or the world around you. This symptom exists on a large continuum and happens in response to the body detecting stress. Milder dissociation feels like ‘running on autopilot’ or ‘zoning out.’ Everyone does this sometimes, especially when going through repetitive motions.
But more intense dissociation can occur automatically, as the body sometimes tries to effectively manage extreme arousal by shutting down. For example, you might feel a persistent sense of fogginess or emotional disconnect. You may also have trouble remembering basic details about yourself or what’s happening in your daily life.
Those with narrow windows of tolerance may experience dissociation more rapidly and frequently. Again, this doesn’t mean anything is wrong with you. Your body is simply trying to protect you from something dangerous happening.
The goal isn’t to avoid dissociation altogether (although some people do achieve this). Instead, the goal is to build up your emotional regulation capabilities to better manage stress. This, in turn, can help you navigate life’s challenges without checking out from them.
Embracing Comfort: A weighted blanket can help you get back into your window of tolerance and help foster emotional regulation skills.
Moving Back to Your Window of Tolerance
Leaving the window of tolerance can cause momentary dysregulation. In some cases, it’s easy to automatically move back into your desired zone. However, it’s also possible for your nervous system to get stuck in a lingering state of hyperarousal or hypoarousal.
Here are some ways to stabilize back into your window of tolerance:
Moving Back from Hyperarousal
When you sense you’re in a hyper-aroused state, it’s important to ground yourself back to the present moment. Slowing down your body through self-regulation activates your parasympathetic nervous system and helps you relax.
Take intentional, deep breaths: Try inhaling for a count of four, holding for another four counts, and then exhaling for a count of four.
Release your anger: Punch a pillow, scream out loud, or go for a hard run. These physical grounding techniques can diffuse the intensity of your emotions.
Stretch gently: Intentional stretching relaxes the muscles and can also improve your circulation.
Use a weighted blanket: The pressure from a weighted blanket can physically mimic that of a safe and supportive environment.
Engage in brief, mindful awareness: Mindfulness can help slow everything down. Start by just taking in all the surroundings around you. Notice 5 things you can see, 4 you can feel, 3 you can hear, 2 you can smell, and 1 you can touch.
Ground yourself to the floor: Press your feet firmly into the floor. Notice the contact of how the ground feels beneath you. You can also try this lying down on the floor directly.
Practice positive visualization: Imagine a safe space that totally attunes to your emotional well-being. This place can be real or imagined, but you can include anyone or anything you like in there! Allow yourself to visit this place when you become hyperactivated.
Moving Back from Hypoarousal
If you’re in a state of hypoarousal, you want to focus on enhancing your energy, stimulating your nervous system, and bringing your conscious awareness back to the here and now. Here are some ways to achieve this:
Turn on all the lights: Bright light (or getting outside) can increase alertness and orient you back to the present moment.
Engage in joyful movement for 15-20 minutes: If possible, get physically active to increase your heart rate. It doesn’t matter what exercise you do, but it can be helpful to participate in something that feels invigorating to you.
Splash cold water on your face: Splash water on your face or rub ice cubes on your arms or legs.
Talk to someone: Try to promote your emotional energy by engaging with a loved one. Even if you can’t physically see them, texting can still boost similar benefits.
Eat something nourishing: Make sure you’re feeding yourself and staying hydrated even when your energy feels depleted.
Complete a chore: Organize a drawer, sweep the floor, or clean your fridge. Participating in mundane tasks can help regulate emotions when you’re stuck in hypoarousal.
Engaging in Healing: Online therapy provides essential support for navigating complex trauma through somatic practices.
Complex Trauma Therapy and Somatic Work in Washington State
Complex trauma can seriously impact your window of tolerance. Many trauma survivors struggle with regulating their emotions and practicing self-compassion, even if they can’t understand why.
The good news is that, no matter what happened to you, you can expand your window of tolerance and expand your overall ability to cope with stress. In therapy, you will learn to identify your trauma responses, strengthen your emotional regulation skills, and embrace more embodiment within yourself. My style is compassionate and attuned- my goal is to help you build your self-esteem and feel more authentic in your everyday life.
As a trauma specialist, my priority is to offer a supportive environment for my clients. I engage in a blend of therapy techniques, including EMDR, parts work, and somatic interventions. I provide accessible online therapy for adult clients throughout Washington State. If you’d like to learn more about my practice, I welcome you to contact me today to schedule an initial consultation.
